It is either you have received a slap, slapped someone, or have witnessed it. If you do not relate to any of the aforementioned options, then you may need to check your birth certificate again to know if you’re really a Nigerian. If you’re still new in Nigeria you may not relate to this but sooner than later you will. Welcome to a country where decorum is thrown to the wind in the heat of aggression.
The purpose of slaps is often to humiliate or to injure. A “slap in the face” is a common idiom, dating back to the late 1800’s, that means to rebuke, rebuff or insult. But no matter what the purpose is, there are different types of slaps that have been established with divergent meanings. As you read, watch out for the types you may have already given out as well as received.
Types of Slaps and What they Mean
1. RESOUNDING SLAP: This is after you are hit, you still hear some funny sounds in your brain, like the sound keeps echoing in your head. After receiving this slap, you’re likely to hear hoots and toots and resounding jingles.
2. COLOR RIOT AND BIRDING SLAP: The meaning of this slap sounds so funny but not the slap itself. This slap is the type that creates the imagination where you begin to see different colors and your head turns to a nest with birds flying all around.
3. TAKE AWAY SLAP: When someone gives you a dirty slap and all you can do is hold your face and walk away. The aftermath of this slap is so startling that all you can do at that moment is to turn around and leave the vicinity.
4. RHETORICAL SLAP: Like the name goes this slap causes you to ask questions that require no answer. The moment you download this slap, you start asking questions that don’t need reply. Like, “John, YOU SLAPPED ME?!”
5. FIXED DEPOSIT SLAP: This leaves you in so much shock. When you receive this kind of slap, all you will do is just stand right where you are and watch the person walk away with your mouth wide open.
6. FORMATTING SLAP: This is the slap that makes someone forget instantly what he or she was doing. You find yourself asking questions like,”What did I do?” If you’re lucky enough you get an explanation but sometimes it follows with a second slap.
7. EXPLANATION SLAP: Straight to explanation. When someone gives you this kind of slap, you find yourself explaining the situation to the nearest person on your own accord e.g. Bros! Are you watching? I didn’t do anything o!
8. MILITARY SLAP: A hot slap from a military man carries with it, features of the aforementioned kinds of slaps. This slap has the ability to cause you to pee on your pants once it lands on your face.
9. SWEET SLAP: This is more like a romantic gesture. This is the type of slap a boy/girl gives you sweetly on your cheek and whether it’s painful or not, you start to blush.
10. MATHEMATICAL SLAP: This simply has to do with the physical reconstruction of your face. When you get this slap, the length of your face will be raised to power two and your eye socket will calculate its circumference.
11. CHERUBIM AND SERAPHIM SLAP: When you receive this slap (it proves effective when it’s given to you all of a sudden), you will be able to combine and speak all sort of languages at the same time like Spanish, Greek, Arabic, Hindu, etc. This is worse than the mathematical slap because It leaves you in utter confusion and uncertainty. After receiving this slap you have no idea what to do next.
12. RETURN LEG/RECIPROCAL SLAP: It’s the type of slap that someone gives you and you return the slap immediately. This is the tit for tat kind of slap which mostly escalates to a physical fight between the two parties. If it doesn’t end in a fight then it will most definitely, end in a verbal battle.
Share the kinds of slaps you’ve received before.