When it comes to temperament, there are basically four kinds of people on earth. But when characters and behaviours are in play, you can meet a thousand and one different kinds, all in one day. Especially in Nigeria, people act in funny ways and sometimes, one just can’t help but wonder when Nigerians will change from their regular sub-standardized attitudes. If you bank regularly, you will easily relate to the things on this list. You must have encountered one or more of this kind of people in a bank, they are everywhere and can really get on one’s nerves. Check them out.

1. The Pen Borrowers

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It won’t hurt if every Nigerian will spend N20 to acquire a pen rather than borrowing one in a bank which they usually fail to return. Once you lend out your pen to these borrowers, you have to close mark them else your pen is gone for good. It’s either you won’t recognize the person again or he will tell you “sorry I gave it to the woman over there” when you finally fish him out. Pen borrowers would not bring a pen to the bank but would go home with more than one, this is why most banks attach a rope to their pens. To think that these banks do not trust customers with a common pen, while the customers trust them with their life savings, is alarming.

2. The People Who Always Forget to Drop The Duplicate Slip

It’s either they are in a hurry or are a novice to the banking procedure. These set of people after their transactions will just march out of the banking hall, pink slip in hand. Then later rush back to drop it or complain about an unsuccessful credit transaction which is most often their fault. They raise their voices in their ignorance and succeed in attracting the attention of virtually everyone in the hall.

3. The Ghost Queue Members

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Also known as “I’m behind you” people, these types are really annoying. The first thing they do when they enter a bank is to pick a spot in the queue before going to get deposit/withdrawal slip. Just when other faithful queue members are about to get to the front, their ghost colleagues show up to claim reserved spots. It gets funny at times when about ten people would tell one person “I’m at your back,” only to come back to see other ghost members claiming the same spot. At the end of the day, this causes confusion and if the bank officials do not intervene it may result in a serious fracas.

4. The Queue Jumpers

These ones are worse than the former, they don’t believe in the Nigerian phrase – first come, first serve. They walk into the banking hall and head straight to the counter as though the people in the queue permanently live there. The rich and influential do this a lot, but it will only be courteous for them to seek permission from the people behind them before jumping the queue. Even President Obama once jumped a queue apologetically at a barbecue joint in Texas, he even went ahead to buy lunch for the family whose spot he took. Some other people jump queues systematically by giving the person in front their money to help them pay in.

5. The Bank Door Rejectees

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Sometimes it’s the people at fault and other times the stubborn door that would not let them in. These people will always have a problem with bank doors, and before you know it they will start stripping off their belts, keys, mobile phones, umbrella, pieces of jewellery and of course, weapons if they have any.

6. The Wealthy Customers

These people can take forever in a bank with huge amounts of money, making other customers with little money wait for hours before doing their transactions. It also happens during ATM withdrawals, this kind of customer will keep withdrawing until the person behind him who probably has just N5,000 in his account would plead with him not to bankrupt the machine. Nigerians are good at bad mouthing though, ‘Oga you wan finish the money?”

7. The Slip Wasters

It’s amazing how people can make silly mistakes on slips as though they were writing JAMB. This kind of people can waste slip, they keep cancelling, tearing, squeezing and taking another one. The most difficult part is writing the amount in words, they just keep rewriting the word version of N8735 to get the most accurate spelling.

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8. The Trouble Makers

The best thing is to avoid these type because any slightest comment or contribution will aggravate their anger. They come to the bank to fight the manager and any other person that crosses their path. They are the ones who right from the entrance start lamenting about how the ATM debited them without paying, and how the bank must revert their money else they would close down the account.

9. The Waiting Thief

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If you are sensitive you will notice that not everyone that comes to the bank is a customer. Some are there to monitor customers who leave with big money and then follow them outside to steal from them. You will see them hanging around without doing any transaction, just looking around and passing information with their mobile phones to their colleagues outside even though they know it is not allowed to use your mobile phone in the banking hall.

10. The Exile Men

These set of people probably just woke up from 1999, and usually do not remember the date. They will ask you for today’s date and even after you tell them the correct date, they will ask someone else to confirm.

11. The Rest Room Users

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The only reason they come to the bank is to use the restroom not to deposit, withdraw or inquire. They would walk in majestically, pick a slip from the counter and then pretend to be filling it while trying to locate the restroom with their eyes. Once their bowels have been emptied, they squeeze the slip and head out of the bank feeling relieved and happy with themselves for a successful mission.

12. The Idle Bankers

This applies mostly to ladies that have no business in the bank and they are not thieves either. It’s either they accompanied someone to the bank, or they just came in to pass time and enjoy the chilling atmosphere. Some very idle people go to the extent of spending an hour in a bank doing the following; queue up to withdraw money from their account, join another queue after withdrawing to deposit the same money into the same account. How pathetic can they be?

13. The Meticulous Counters

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This group of people do not want to hear that their hard earned money was short of a note after they leave the bank, so they would take hours still on the queue, counting and confirming every single note.

14. The Questionnaires

You would find mostly teenagers and older people as human questionnaires in a bank. They would ask you about everything in the bank and where to fill in their details. The only thing left is for them to ask you to help spell their name.

15.  The Perverts

These are the rarest but most irritating people you would find in a bank. They are mostly guys and would always want to queue behind or in front of a lady (a well endowed one). Basically, their aim is to feed their eyes with boobs/butt. If possible, they would occasionally brush their hands over it and then say “sorry, it was a mistake.” How are we sure it wasn’t a mistake? It keeps happening!