Have you ever sat back to recount how much fun you’ve brought into your marriage? Are there ways you could spice it up a little bit? Often times women focus so much on how they effectively or ineffectively run the home (very boring by the way), neglecting other hilarious aspects of their personality which their husbands find so charming.
Trust me, as much as he loves compliments and sex, he wouldn’t mind getting a little bit of these:
Shake It Off and Enjoy A Dance Party
It goes as to say, ‘I want dance with somebody’ – whatever your silly side has the urge to do. Men feel relieved when they get occasional break from their woman’s serious action-oriented sides. With all that hustle and bustle going on in your home; keeping the house clean, kids, your career or more. A couple therapist says you need to unwind and try to get him involved. Enjoy it like nothing else matters. It’ll likely give you a hit of nostalgia from your early dating days, and a night of relaxation that you probably need in more ways than one.
Tell Him How Awesome He Is
It’s regrettably amazing how many women are accustomed to criticizing their spouse without balancing it out with positive feedback. “The most important thing husbands crave from their wives is appreciation and approval,” says relationship expert Andrea Syrtash, author of Cheat on Your Husband (With Your Husband).
Hang Out With The Girls
Men love the space every once in a while (and so do you). Not that he doesn’t love having you around.
Syrtash says, “It is not always easy to give space when home, work, and family responsibilities demand so much time and attention.” So consider this your invitation to plan that girlfriend’s getaway, or even a long Saturday brunch. Get a sitter for the kids so your husband can do whatever he feels like, too—even if that means sitting in his man-cave and binge-watching Outlander.
Throw In A Load Of Laundry
Ok, this might not sound very traditional, but in a healthy relationship (in this 21st century), housework is divided up, but it’s not always split down the middle. With jobs, kids and a life in the mix, sometimes one of you ends up cleaning more than the other. Which is cool—so long as it gets balanced out down the road, says Syrtash. And even if it’s “his task” to do the laundry, if he’s super swamped that week, do your best not to rant and rave about handling it.
Let Him Get A Little Vulnerable
You must admit that it’s cute to see a man get emotional right? But until recently, it wasn’t really a thing for men to embrace their soft sides, failures, or weaknesses.
“In our society, men don’t traditionally get to cry or admit they’re feeling scared or hurt, and may feel shame because these things aren’t ‘manly,'” says Berman. “That’s an unfair thing to ask of anyone, and leads to inauthenticity and broken communication.” Encourage him to open up about something from his past, and let him know it’s cool for him to always express how he’s feeling—not just when he’s playing the role of caretaker.
You can’t have forgotten how to get sexy with your husband, really? We understand how busy, overworked, exhausted you’ve been, but it may make you feel better if you get a little action and he on the other hand will be on top of the world if you’re the one to get things going.
“Sex isn’t just a physical need for men,” says couples therapist Jill Vermeire. “It’s also their way of feeling connected to you.” She suggests just going for it—once a month could be a good goal—simply by sitting on his lap or tugging off his shirt. He’ll get the message pretty quick…and be all sorts of stoked to continue.
Let Him Off The Hook
“Men want to enjoy outlets outside their marriage—friends, sports, whatever—and not be made to feel guilty about it,” says Syrtash. Just make a point of encouraging him (or at least not picking on him) next time he wants to go do his thing. Trying to put him on a leash would most likely make him more stubborn about doing whatever he wants, so watch it girl.
Be Direct, But Not Bossy
You probably have a system for how things should get done and you have no qualms explaining each and every one. But for some reason, sometimes what we want in marriage gets lost or miscommunicated.
“Men commonly complain that they wish their wives would tell them specifically what they can do to make her happy instead of trying to guess all the time,” says Vermeire. In other words, try not to assume you’re on the same page, because that just turns into frustration on both ends. It’s not demanding if you nix the ‘tude and tell him what’s up with calm sincerity. He’ll be grateful you said it, and likely more than happy to make sure whatever it is you want gets done.
Put Down Your Phone
As much as you hear this often, experts says it ruins your husband’s mood to see you texting when he’s telling you about his day. Or scrolling through Instagram while you’re waiting for the waiter on date night. He might do it sometimes too—it’s a gender-neutral impulse, says Vermeire—but that’s no excuse.
“Get into the habit of unplugging—no TV, phone, laptops, or Xbox—and just talk to each other at least once a week,” she suggests. Of course with the exception of when you’re sharing these sexy texts from across the room.
Let Him Help You
As easy as this one sounds, it’s actually insanely hard for most women to ask for help from their husband, whether he does it well or not (which goes to say, ‘what the man can do, a woman can do it much better’).
“I hear men say, ‘I wish she would let me help her instead of trying to do everything herself,'” says Vermeire. “Or they’ll say, ‘I wish she’d acknowledge that I helped her instead of criticizing that I didn’t do it right.'” So don’t be miss-independent-I-can-handle-it-all type and allow him handle some things for you.
Tell Him What You’re Thinking In Bed
The marriage experts says even if you’re not having sex, you should open up about it – how you feel, whether you’re in the mood or not – is something that helps your husband understand you and your needs better.
“It’s not just about telling him, ‘I love it when you touch me that way,'” says Berman. “Letting him know that you’re not in the mood, and maybe explaining why, clues him in to the fact that it doesn’t mean you don’t find him attractive or want to emotionally connect with him.”
Visit The Spa
Give yourself a break and go enjoy some special body treat such as a nice massage at a spa outlet. Believe me, your husband sees how working hard, juggling everything and everyone in your life, and wants you to give yourself a break.
“For women who put their own needs aside, men often wish they would do nice things for themselves more often,” says Vermeire. “I know for sure men would like their wives to love their own bodies instead of criticizing themselves.”
Admire Him In Comparison To Others
Listen to the voice expert when they tell you that men love it when you praise them. The best part is when you praise them in a way that makes them feel like there’s no one else you want.
“Men want to know that they are valued and irreplaceable,” says Berman.
Thank Your Husband Always
Never neglect to utter these magical words of gratitude. Thank you is a good hit on men.
“Gratitude is big,” says Berman. “Many times we don’t realize how much partners crave appreciation, even if it’s for something he does all the time. Thanking him for taking out the trash or being a great dad means so much to him.”