Domestic violence and abuse have become so common in our society among couples. Abuse can happen in marriage, dating relationships and even friendships.
Abuse can be physical, emotional, or sexual. Physical abuse means any form of violence, such as hitting, punching, pulling hair, and kicking.
Emotional abuse (stuff like teasing, bullying, and humiliating others) can be difficult to recognize because it doesn’t leave any visible scars. Threats, intimidation, putdowns, and betrayal are all harmful forms of emotional abuse that can really hurt — not just during the time it’s happening, but long afterward, too.
Sexual abuse can happen to anyone, guy or girl. It’s never right to be forced into any type of sexual experience that you don’t want.
As serious as domestic violence/abusive is, many victims have given several reasons for remaining in abusive relationships despite endangering their lives.
I recall talking with a woman who was in an abusive relationship why she has not left and her response left me in awe amazement for a very long. Joy( not real name) said she has had to cope with Tope’s abuses for close to 5 years because he gives her attention and shows her so much love than normal after each abusive episode.
This left my mouth open for a long time because I can’t imagine myself sticking to an abusive partner simply because I will get attention, ‘love’ and lots of gifts after been abused.
As strange as the story above sounds, the truth is that many people remain in an abusive relationship for the strangest, wired and most crazy reasons you can ever imagine.
I did more research on why people remain in abusive relationships, and these are my findings.
Here are 10 Crazy Reasons People Remain In Abusive Relationships
One major reason people remain in abusive relationships is fear. Fear of being alone, starting afresh, fear of what people would say, even fear of coming out to say they are been abused. As strange as this sounds, many are trapped in abusive relationships for this singular reason.
I don’t want to feel hurt
Another reason people remain in an abusive relationship is because they don’t want to be hurt. You hear things like: “I would want to leave him/her but it will hurt so badly”.
Things can be fixed.
I have discovered that many stay more people stay in abusive relationships, for this reason, more than any other reason. They keep thinking things can be fixed, forgetting that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. But if it needs a complete overhaul, stop wasting your time and energy. Unlike a fine wine that gets better with age, a bad relationship involving two people no longer compatible only gets worse.
Many people become financially dependent on their partner that they wouldn’t leave even when being terribly abused. it is even more insidious in a way than the emotional dependence It’s easy to get caught up in a certain lifestyle financed by your partner but it’s unhealthy when you are loving the things more than even your own life. Now go, stand on your own two feet, make your own life and find true happiness.
I Don’t Like Change
I know you are wondering if this could possibly be a reason for remaining in an abusive relationship, oh! yes, it is. Naturally, human beings are resistant to change, even when they know the change would be good for us and they would really like to make it happen.
Rather than make it happen, they tend to cling to the familiar, whatever it is, painful or not, with tenacity. What is needed to do in order to overcome that resistance is open-mindedness.
I Don’t Want To Be Alone
Like I mentioned earlier, fear of being alone have crippled many from walking out of an abusive relationship. It is understandable that a person always wants to have someone in their corner and by their side but what many don’t understand is that being alone is only as lonely as one makes it.
Just as much as we crave that need to be in a relationship, we can also own and embrace our alone time. Because it’s only when a person can be truly happy and healthy on their own that they can be in a happy and healthy relationship with someone else.
We Have Been Together For So Long
I have heard people put up with domestic violence simply because they have known their partners forever. He/she may be your childhood sweetheart, your first love, the person you lost your virginity to but just because you’ve known him/her for a long time and have history isn’t enough of a reason to drag it out and risk your life and future.
People change and the people we once were might be totally different from who we are now.
I Have Invested So Much In The Relationship
Sometimes, many tend to calculate all they have put in in a relationship and that becomes the basis for not leaving even when they are suffering in the relationship. Like I mentioned above, people change. If the sweet loving partner you met and fell in love with has suddenly become a monster who has turned you into a punching bag, it might just be time to walk away.
Relationships are not always wonderful but when it becomes abusive then something is wrong and just that you have invested so much in the relationship isn’t enough reason to remain.
Some people stay in bad relationships because they would rather be part of a bad couple than face the wrath of family pressure and all the prejudice that comes with being single, especially in this part of the world.
Try and be strong enough, no matter how hard, to stand up for yourself. I know, it is easier said than done. But it’s your life, your happiness that matters and is important not theirs.
The Abusive Is A Display Of Love
This is the case in the story of Joy and Tope I shared at the beginning of this article. Abuse in whatever form is not and can never be a show of love. I have had ladies say: “He beats me because he loves me”. This may be because the guy in question pampers and buys you lots of gifts to apologise after the punchings but this is never a sign of love, it might simply be an indication that he needs help.
Everyone has the right to love and be loved in return, and as this is a season to celebrate love, you can do yourself a whole lot of good by walking out every abusive relationship, bearing in mind that you need to be alive to stay in a relationship.
If you are already in an abusive relationship but find it hard to walk away because of any of the reasons above, you might need to get help, talk to a psychologist today.