Marriage always comes to mind once you think you found your better half and wish to keep him/her by your side forever and always, and marriage counsel should also be your priority if your truly want to make it work.
You can agree with me that there are too many factors to consider and any clarity will be clouded over by your own fears, your partner’s feelings, and the desire to make your friends and family happy. Before you react out of frustration or desperation, and do something you’ll regret, take a closer look at yourself and the relationship by evaluating where you stand.
Remember, only you can tell through your feelings if you’ve actually found that person or not. However, our in-house Marriage counsellor has a list of tips with which to know when you’re ready to jump the proverbial broom.
Marriage Counsel: 5 Ways to know you’re ready
1. When You Accept That it’s Not Your Partner’s Job to Complete You
Far too often people think that marriage will provide the answer to all their problems, that a husband or wife can fill that void or counteract any lacking qualities. Contrary to this assumption, it isn’t a partner’s job to rescue you, fulfill you, or make you feel alive.
If you get married because you think this is your partner’s role, your relationship is bound to fail. A solid marriage requires two healthy, whole people to be successful. Just because you get married doesn’t mean your fears and insecurities will dissolve. Sure, your partner is there to provide support when you need it but your issues are your business and ultimately up to you to fix.
2. You Communicate Your Needs and Expectations
Nobody knows you as much as you know yourself; not even your spouse. Communication in pure honesty will enable couples to express their needs and expectations.
If you expect your partner to uproot their life whenever you get a job offer or have a change in career, then it is important that they understand and accept it without bitterness. Of course there should always be room for an amicable negotiation. But what’s important is, whatever your needs and expectations are for marriage, this is the time to communicate them.
If you’re open and honest with your partner now, you won’t find yourself in a situation down the road where you’re trapped into something you don’t want.
3. You Can Handle The Mundane
You will always hear this from every marriage counsel you’d attend. Relationships are much easier when things are going so smooth. Marriage on the other hand is much more than ‘shit happens’. When it comes down to paying the bills and dealing with domestic lifestyle it can get really get cranky.
Marriage is not always about sexual chemistry and fun, it’s involves a mutual partnership. It isn’t okay for one person to always take the financial burden or heavier workload. As a married couple, you’re going to be faced with daily, real-life challenges like paying the mortgage, driving the kids to school, and deciding where to get the car fixed.
Before you jump into a lifelong partnership with your significant other, make sure that you can communicate effectively when it comes to life’s little nuisances.
4. When You Love Your Partner As They Are
If you keep forgetting that nobody is perfect including you, then you better paste it as a wall paper where you can remember. Therefore, before you pop the ‘will you marry me’ question, it’s better to make sure you love who your partner is at the core of their being.
This means you admire and appreciate the type of person they are and the way they make you feel when you’re with them. For me, the trick would be to focus on the little things they can do best or better.
Of course, you probably wish they didn’t leave dirty dishes in the sink or liked to go out more (or less), but if you love and accept them as they are, those minor things will begin to seem trivial.
Marriage counsel therefore states that before you walk down the aisle make sure no part of you expects your partner to change once you’re married, you need to love them and accept them for who they are now.
5. When You Share Core Values
Every Marriage counsel will tell you that it would be much more easier if couples share similar values because statistics shows it’s usually the challenge most of couples face. How many kids you both want and how to raise them; Do you agree on how to manage your finance? Are you a spendthrift.
Are you aligned in terms of religion? These big ticket items may feel like they don’t matter when you truly love someone, but after the honeymoon phase is over, real life begins.
Things will go a lot smoother if you either share the same core values or have a plan in place on how you’re going to tackle those issues when they come up.