During a chat with the Sun, Sunny Nneji, popular Nigerian musician who has been keeping low profile for sometime now lamented the daily increase of domestic violence and child abuse in the country.
He expressed difficulty in understanding why it was prevalent today because he never experienced any such abuse as a child growing up in village in his village in Cross River State. “What is going on? Are we losing our humanity?”, Nneji asked rhetorically.
The singer continued:
“As a village boy, I started singing and dancing, and those things (abuses) were not common. So, I don’t know what is happening to the society of today. What is going on? It is as if the devil has just descended and he is taking people over and causing them to do terrible things. Parents are molesting children; it is unthinkable and sickening. It is a terrible thing.
“That is why every sane human being needs to stand up against these things. For husbands who beat up their wives, I think it is very childish. They need to grow up. Why would you raise up your hand to beat a woman? It doesn’t make any sense. I heard that some women also beat up their husbands (laughs); women need to grow up too.”
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He also pointed out that the outcome of every relationship can always be determined from the dating period and therefore advised young people to be very aware, to open their eyes, and to be very sensitive.
The singer rightly said:
“If you are dating a guy and he exhibits traits of violence, maybe he hits you, beats you up and then apologises afterwards, that is an indication that you are into a potentially abusive relationship. So, you should do the needful at that point in time. It’s very important. Most people go into relationships, saying, ‘oh, he’s going to change. I will change him’, it never happens that way. Once you see a trait, it is going to get amplified as time goes on.”
As a way of joining in the fight against the social vice, Sunny Nneji took part in the walk against domestic violence recently organised by The Sun newspaper. The ‘Oruka’ crooner further spoke about marriage, noting that it is not a bed of roses. He made it clear that no two marriages are the same hence, the need for every couple to discover what works for them no matter the number of books they’ve read on the subject.
“I cannot tell you that I have a formula and you can use that formula and apply to your marriage and it will work. You know why? It is because marriage is between two people from two different backgrounds, who have two different upbringings and they come together. Now what make marriages are the two people involved.
“First, they must decide they want a marriage. It is a choice you make. Once you make up your mind that you want the marriage to be successful then you do everything possible to make it succeed. It does not mean you and your spouse would not have disagreements, you would have disagreements; don’t let us lie to ourselves.
“But you will make sure the disagreement does not degenerate into something destructive and then begin to affect the relationship. It entails the willingness to bend at any point in time, the willingness to shift position.
“Do not say, ‘This is what I believe, I stand here and if it doesn’t happen this way, then the walls must come down’. No, don’t do that. It is a decision between the two people involved. Once they have decided that they want the marriage to work, it would work.”
Speaking to women in abusive marriages, Sunny Nneji clearly stated,
“You should get to a point where enough is enough, but elasticity is for whoever is in the relationship to determine. Be sincere with yourself, forget society, forget family, and forget what people would say. Look at your life, look at that relationship, look at the children and be sincere with the situation and judge it accordingly.”
This, he said is necessary because even though there are so many things to be considered, the person in the relationship should understand that if she does not take a drastic action, she may end up dead.